Being Me

ArtForms

2008-12-25T23:40:00.000-08:00

I realised I create a lot of art forms, and whilst there may be real names for it at the moment, I'll just plonk mine down until I figure it out.

Ambigram (actual term) - words that spell out the same word upside down, in some cases, spell out a different word upside down.

Neolodition - words that consist of a name plus an addition of extra letters to create a new word or an existing word.

Doublition - words that at certain levels of deciphering looks like another word when seen as they are.

Ambitence - same principal as ambigrams, but in the form of a sentence.

People

2008-12-22T19:41:00.000-08:00

It could be my diploma. Or it could have been me for like since forever.

But if given the million people theory, where if a million people did the same thing, and one or two got it right, then won't it goes to show there's a way to do things and a way not to; anyway the point is what would be the difference between a million people, that will create that difference.

At the moment, I've figured out it is presentation and timing. Both are absolute in creating difference between people.

Of course, luck is also very important, but that's something else.

But on a totally-self-created scenario based on purely one's power, i guess it's presentation, how you deal with the situation, and then timing, when you present the situation.

There, i guess, at least that's one more theory for me to keep in mind.

Numbers

2008-12-20T10:11:00.000-08:00

Sky's blue (let's talk about the weather shall we)
I'd like to say but it's no where near infinity
A chance but a trillion endings
At least I got this small chance once in a lifetime

I've been given a single chance
But I turn it into a thousand theories
Which itself churns a million possibilities
But one in a trillion there's only one destiny

I can't think, chaos sweeps inside my mind
Last chances become second last
That event creates itself years back
Reasons, reasons I feebly try to stutter

A star blinks overhead
Inside a heart glows in response
I want to say, want to tell
But... the weather's nice today.

This.

2008-12-16T04:30:00.001-08:00

There's nothing much that I talk about that I believe people will take into consideration.

I suddenly know why. It's one of my theories, but just that it's come to light at the moment.

I suspect the mind works in such a way that responses pre-determine replies.

Sometimes I don't bother understanding what I'm theorizing.

Antisocial

2008-12-04T21:42:00.001-08:00

Again, it took me forever to figure out something else. There are thousands of aspects of life, and just for now, I shall decide to simplify my life.

Not being good at something that has been decided important by society is NOT a bad thing.

Not being good at something does NOT need to generate an urge to be better at that something.

Therefore I should be completely content with how I work and shall leave things I'm not good at as it is, and work them out when I have the chance to, and things that I'm good at, I will be proud of them.

Luck

2008-12-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

In four days, four separate things that I don't hold dear to me but I've come to realize is important to my life spoilt.

Tuesday, my laptop died.
Wednesday, I fell sick.
Thursday, a good friend didn't feel well.
Friday, my spectacle screw disappeared.

Of course, the last thing I could possibly think of about such a chain of unfortunate events was really bad luck. To me, there's no such thing as bad luck.

I'm lucky, because this happened before my exams (well, I fell sick during I/O psych test) and before the holidays. Imagine this happened during the holidays. Second, they all happened together, so I don't need to spend a few separate days fixing the problems but rather I can fix them all at once. Thirdly, I discovered it was pretty much easier to play the piano without my spectacles, so I'm now one step closer to playing a Linkin Park Medley. Fourth, I got to talk to a friend who I used to never get the chance to talk to (and also getting my friend to feel better, even if it's a bit. I think of it as a good deed done.). Fifth, I got to talk to my dad, who I also never really get the chance to talk to a lot. Sixth, this means I skipped school due to spectacle broke, so now (since monday is a holiday)I have a 4-day holiday. Seventh, I managed to save my files in my harddrive so now I don't have to cry over lost files. Eight, I still can do my normal stuff because my dad gave me tempoary ownership of a laptop coz he has a new one (he bought a better one ages back... but...) Ninth, I got to inspect my optician's fish tank and get to see a lot of cool stuff (mostly just shrimps swimming around) mainly cause I could only see them up-close(specs were still broke)Tenth is getting fish-and-chips for lunch. Eleventh is being able to get 13 hours of sleep ytd coz I was sick.

Basically I'm still very happy despite what has happened. It could have been due to one specific cause... But I believe it's just that I got a lot of sleep.

Seriously, when I say luck, people are nowhere near my definition of it.

The mechanism of Life

2008-11-24T02:25:00.000-08:00

It took me a while to get it, but I found out how life works [again].

Life will give you a present.

1]You can open it + taking the opportunity
1.1] It may be something good + opportunity being in your favor
1.11] It may be meant for you + and it really is
1.12] It may be meant for someone else + opportunity lasted awhile
1.13] It may not be meant for anyone + something no one can achieve
1.14] It may be meant for everybody + something every one can
1.2] It may be something bad + opportunity not in your favor
1.21] It may be meant for you + and that's bad luck
1.22] It may be meant for someone else + saved at a price
1.23] It may not be meant for anyone + it hurts, but not so much
1.24] It may be meant for everybody + pain is not really shared
1.3] It may not be anything at all + an opportunity faked
2]You can just hold on to it + preserving an opportunity
2.1] You can wonder about it + but it can never go higher or lower
2.2] You can destroy it + and miss a chance at pain and joy
3]You can throw it away + where it might come back
4]You can give someone else + because the opener might be the pained

However, simply

I just think life gives you something so that you can throw it away or it can be stolen from you.

Everytime life lets you smile, it snatches it away sooner or later

And then when it comes to crying, I can't smile after that even if I know life will take my sorrows from me, because as long as I smile, I will cry, and as long as I cry, I will cry again.

But philosophy is kinda nicer on the nerves than regret. At least it happened. At least it was tried, even if it was kinda bad. At least, I get a chance to smile again, depressingly even if I will cry.

But a smile is a smile. No matter what the philosophy, that's all I'd like to think that matters.

Constitution

2008-11-15T13:24:00.001-08:00

What, would constitute as a friend? Or any degree of friendship for that matter?

Would it be that that does everything upon request?

Or is it being there to communicate whenever whyever?

Perhaps it's the tendency to frequently bump into each other.

Could it be simply the empty silent presence that precedes proximity?

Are friends there because you can call upon them and they'll do what you ask? Simply because they are there, they are easier targets, and more or less at any rate a higher chance for obligation?

Is it because you can be your true self, criticizing many things, being picky and bossy, and yet they still retaliate in a nice-manner?

Are friends there, because you want to get away from others? Less meaningful, boring, non-entertaining, quirky strange others? Or just bored of loneliness?

Is it because you need an identity? A place where you have something that is of value, you talk of value to others, be it games, academics, events and happenings?

Would it be for meaningless? Just to challenge what I write, just being friends to disprove something else? A quote that people paste on you that you are always friendless?

Can it be materialistic or mental support? Money, fame, "I hang around popular kid", emotional, physical contact, to follow, to lead. Which would it be?

To say, friends can be anything a person view it to be.

For me, friends somewhat mean the silent theory. The silent theory, to me, is the mute of a law that exist. If a friend acts leader-like and cool, and you ask him why? Would the reason satisfy you? Would it be a psychological backfire?

For me, there are people I apply the silent theory on. There are people who I hold no on-current-as-going value to them, but they are there when occasionally I get stuck with them and start outsourcing. We both have no actual value to each other, but we slack together sometimes, just for fun, quiet and stoic, a bit of word here and there, but it's just for the presence.

Do friends impose on each other? Should they? Should friends let go of incidents quickly? Or should grudges be held? Where does trust come in? How serious should a trust be?

Whatever that constitutes a friend, it will constitute in three ways. It will consist of the past principals that was created upon friendship and initial slacking together. It will consist of the now principals, the events that occur and continue to link to future events. And it will consist of the duel-affinity, the difference in principals each hold against another, where differences and similarities in views and opinions craft a path.

Fortunately, I have a friend that will see no worth in this post and we'll kick up a storm about heated debates over nothing.

Sometimes, I think what constitutes a friend is the ability to make your nothing into their something that you can say is part of my created something as well.

Sometimes I just wished they would shut up.

There

2008-10-31T13:32:00.000-07:00

What... what makes a person anxious, nervous, scared, worried, fearful? Why is it so? What drives such emotion?

When I think about it, my hands shake, my legs tremble, my mind goes numb, my tongue seizes, my heart freeze.

I can't get it out of my mind, and it turns to regret when I do not accomplish it.

It evolves into regret, and I can't cry, because it is my mistake, my fault, my inability.

Even if it doesn't happen, speculation brings about the same chain of emotions, and why, why does it affect me so much? There are people who progress through this like nothing, but as for me, I guess still it is something that spikes my soul.

It's not a box others can unlock.

I must find my key, find my way, find where I started, and will start again.

Fan

2008-10-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

What makes a person idolize another?

I do have my theories, but there are aspects to it, fundamental ones.

Abilities, talents, background, basically relatedness

However, in nearly one hour, I who never ever really got a person I'd wanna be a fan of got.

Brea Grant.

Yes, random and all...

But while i'm trying to understand why exactly this person is making me fanatic, fanatic may be extreme... so hyped. yea hyped. why exactly would most likely be...

well that wasn't the point i was driving at.

but im interested, and im a fan of, for no reason at all.

but there are a few things that intrigued me

expression and a unique personality that remains. like, natural unique instinctive reaction.

and talkativeness as well i guess. but it's just so...

it feels like... nosebleeds in manga.

and what if i had a dream i wanted to achieve that i couldn't?

The Rainbow that Disappeared

2008-10-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

I see my rainbow
over the ocean
falling down like a
star from heaven

and when they disappear
i stare into the blacken sky
void of all the matters
leaving me nothing with to cry

where are the skies when i need them
where is the rain that pours my tears
where is the light that shines upon me
where is anything to soothe my fear

crying through a hailstorm
sickened with pain and ashes
i want back my rainbows
where i know im fine

Stuck somewhere

2008-10-18T14:31:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i realise i don't know where i am.

but there will be a time, that there'll be some people who come into my life.

they reach out, whether they exist or not, to me.

and then i feel like im somewhere.

and it breaks fast, but it feels like it's there forever.

then the group disappears, and then the next group comes along.

after awhile i wonder what's the point.

and then i figured, the point wasn't the whole idea anyway.

as long as im happy, for that moment, i guess that's eternity for me.

but i guess i don't really know what im saying. haven't been for a long time.

there

2008-10-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

and then there's a whole lot of words i couldn't express for a moment

I'm happy I'm stuck on an island, for it means I'm not stuck on another.

2008-10-03T02:35:00.001-07:00

Where perfect envisions of dreams and goals
Socially-upper norm professionalism of works
Bounded by rules, structure and form in monochrome synchronization
And then, and then... and then there's me

Breaking down the machinery of functioning woes
Tearing apart shattering inside out the weaves the merges
Symbolism of silent bargains and the rare transaction
This little icon marked "I", where should it go, should it be?

If a thousand says you're right when I know I am
Then I'll add another million and still stand my ground
The world will continue to march it's solitude
But like straight lines on our planet, they go in a circle

You say how can I, stuck where I am, be calm
You wonder, adding justified brilliance to enlightenment, how I can be sound
But people forget, as their probability constantly remoulds, rebuilds
I'm happy I'm stuck on this little island no one have managed to come, for it means I'm not stuck on another one

Difference

2008-09-18T16:39:00.001-07:00

It's the "why" that makes one different from another.

i wake up sick inside, perfectly normal outside
unable to take, to feel, to comprehend
the things, the little indescribable things somebody
left there for me

i don't understand why, not at all
the simplication of mechanics
for everytime progression becomes an option
how, how will i encompass the implication

That

2008-09-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

Do people understand why?

Analogy.

If we take chess pieces, for an enemy piece to move forward the player has the option of forward or back. If an enemy moves back the player has the same option. But if the enemy moves forward, if the player isn't ready then there is no combat. If the enemy moves back if the player is ready there is also no combat.

@ =enemy
# = player
% =space

First part of analogy

%#%%@%
%#%@%%

Second part

%#%%@%
%#%%%@

it's between more or less chance. Interesting how probability can manage choice.

Piano

2008-09-08T19:35:00.000-07:00

Every score written by pianist have their own stories, own musical formulae, own technique and flavor. Each score is designed, crafted and perfected through each pianist's own originality.

It is one thing to read from the score and play, another to modify, and of course, entirely different when it is molded from nothing.

Personally one day I wish to have my own self-designed music, and I guess along with all my other stuff I'll come to achieve it.

How to reduce threat on a Wabiit

2008-09-08T17:00:00.001-07:00

1) Pet it to temporary cause it to be charmed and unwilling to attack
2) Tempt it food to disable its attacking abilities
3) Enter it's dead zone where it cannot charge nor bite to make it wary of you but just unable to be aggressive
4) RUN!

Spaghetti

2008-09-07T03:37:00.001-07:00

Today I learnt how to cook spaghetti. It is a great upgrade from cooking instant noodles. I still need to find the recipe for omelette.

Beef, onion, sausage, mushroom sauce.

My mushrooms are queer.

"Your cooking skill has increased by one level."

Authenticism

2008-09-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Maybe particularly it is how the things are occurring, that what I feel now is strangely the young kid I felt back in secondary school.

Random.

Stranger.

No previous background connection.

Just there.

When I think about it, a true blue authentic scenario, it just while seems extremely challenging, feels rathered, feels supposeded, instead of an option over what I have now.

Why... I don't understand at all. Maybe I am a neighborhood kid. I don't fit with the upper-classed events. The neighborhooded ones just seem nice to me. The walks, the morning, the bleary eyes and fading suns. The urbanised countryside I like, I love, I don't want to get out off.

Maybe it's time to shoo certain events from my life. I guess as long as it is optional it's okay.

Luck

2008-09-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's my attunement to Luck, of which I am best friends with, that I discovered that Luck is achieved in various ways. It is random at best, but not always.

Luck is induced by, generating opportunities, so that eventually it will occur.

Also, it is created by simply doing what you are, it just comes along.

It is, also made by being extremely erratic and random, and to create as much confusion with reality as possible so that due to the queer situation it will happen.

Furthermore, long-term luck occurrence can be evolved from making opportunities ages back.

There is a skill to creating luck, and slowly, I am becoming better and better at hanging out with my best friend Luck.

triple

2008-08-30T05:30:00.001-07:00

In any bond, it is

conditioned
conditional
unconditioned

and it's freakying complycated

Reality

2008-08-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

To me, realities come in a package.

Fundamental Reality
Intangible Reality
Instantaneous Reality
Imperfection Reality

Fundamental Reality consist of the environment and social construction that we live in. It is the true bias, unfair, stereotypical unfortunate reality where we know is perfectly balanced but just not. It is the everyday life we live in.

Intangible Reality is the absorption of oneself into a reality that does not actually, or nigh plausible to exist. Thoughts such as hitting the jackpot multiple times in a row, falling in love with the dream partner who suddenly is one's new neighbor, realization that one actually is the heir to some extreme wealth, occurring in an accident that leaves one tremendously smart, all these are intangible realities that are basically daydreams which turn real should we be unable to distinguish from such.

Instantaneous Reality is the same as intangible reality, only in that it is for a short amount of time, usually brief of a couple of minutes and not lasting overnight. The difference is that prerequisites occur and it looks as if life could change for the better, such as gaining knowledge of maybe there's a desired person who "coincidentally" is in love with oneself. Unrealistic gains such as acceptance into a clique one has always wanted or suddenly gains the center of attention. Such instantaneous reality persist never long, but these are those that show prerequisite, and possibly might happen.

Imperfect Reality is the achievement of a tangible reality, one that is actually able to gain, such as an extremely highly-ranked job or some obscure job that many are unable to even figure out how to apply for. It is basically the "dream" that people are often driven to seek.

One must taste all the four realities in order to acknowledge and understand why one should not fall into whichever.

As of the moment, instantaneous realities are killing me. Learning to ignore as such is freaking hard.

Mornings and events that happens

2008-08-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

Studied like what, 10 hours from 9pm to 7am. Going home though, it's interesting to appreciate the little details morning gives. [self-actualization requirement, fresh appreciation of the world]

I love how that the morning evolves from darkness, breaking from the dawn into the afternoon scenery that we're more familiar with. The students that criss-cross the walks of life, each of which once were what I'd had been. On the bus, crowding like a Singaporean community [cultural worldview interest due to terror management theory. ignition for greater cultural interest and defense due to mortality salience] you see people all having the morning-deadness that I'd had once, back years. Also, how am I not to feel a sense of warmth when I see a guy and girl both students together? Sending people to school, a luxury I never had but I offered. As the bus jerks the girl holds onto the guy for support. At least he didn't sucuumb to impetus. Guys should be stable for girls to hold on. I offered an old lady a seat, got refused but I had to offer. Didn't feel like offering initially, but decided to later anyhow. Didn't like regretting situations.

Of which, random send message replied 1.5 days later

Walking home, getting my feet wet in the dew of the grasses in the shortcut I like to use, I came across this taxi idle. Shocked was I when it revved up just as I walked past! Sleep deprivation gave me a slight euphoria, but yet as I sleep I sleep only for about four hours before I am wide awake writing this blog.

I am Idiot.

2008-08-10T00:54:00.001-07:00

I guess in the world we live in, it is a very interesting circle btw, that we strive to be like everyone, and we shape everyone.

Like you know how people wanna be like others, or not be like others, and how this is influenced by the world and that we are the world?

For me as a character, I am not always focused, but often or not when I think, I try to make decisions, fix on it, and then see what that influence it. Decisions not based on others, but still seeing what are the factors.

It is hard though, to do that. Do you carry on because the other is okay? Do you stop because the other doesn't want to?

Making sound decisions and correct ones has nothing to do with choices. It's how that just doing because the other okay kinda brings a person into what I call a fail-proof individual.

You go along only when so does everyone.

I am like that at times, but on the average, I can say less than others. I make choices, like how I want to be honoured with Argent Dawn or Thorium Brotherhood despite later knowing that it doesn't serve any purpose at all. All these, shows that how the environment is affecting a person.

That's why, sometimes we feel like being everybody, doing the choices a collective says so, but for me, I just like to be somebody, someone that has it's distinct values and (usually) makes no sense at all when I pick the choices other people are befuddled at. Or like in a certain case, everyone is befuddled at.

I am me, I am Idiot. I am proud of it. Well, who else'd be proud of a personality I made except myself?

Oh, there's the mirror.

Shirts out

2008-08-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

I think I'm damn boring. I only get shirts from giordano for designing.

Atm, drawn on 2 shirts. It looks pretty neat. Shall hafta figure out anything nicer to draw thou.

Shall draw on more shirts! And I shall need to find someone to study with!

Lol

2008-08-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

I have 2 friends who are born on august 1st.

I msged them happy birthday.

YewChuen replies

well, anytime u feel like losin u can come to me. Im rdy when u are man and thanks

Markus replies

Lol! Its ok man. Thanks. And the bash,you can bash me. I dont mind a pussy punching me.

I swear, these two crack me up and it ain't even my birthday.

It's still comforting to know nostalgically, people haven't changed that much, or at least the relationship between. I figured both'd grown up, but hecks, old days are old days.

When you set your backward though, will the forward ever become the new backward?

I am Idiot

2008-08-03T06:16:00.000-07:00

I shall draw more shirts!

Yes I shall draw more!

And I shall go and buy about 5 more shirts, maybe 10, and then go experiment.

And on about 5 shirts, I shall draw

[ I am Idiot ]

on the front, and on the back I shall draw the date. And, I shall wear everyday to school, except friday, a shirt corresponding. Most probably this can take place by wednesday.

Idiot stands for

Inventive
Dumbless
Inventive
Optimism
2kewl

and if you don't get 3 of the technicalities inside, nvm.

Bleah

2008-07-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

Up till now, I don't understand at all, why my body will have an emotion called depression. I don't understand at all. And as for the moment, I'm working all my theories to discover why.

It's not a truly negative thing, for I can actually feel a like for depression.

It's neither positive, for it's not like I can feel happy about it, except in the sense that it is a very welcoming sensation to me.

Biologically it's not something I've figured to explain.
Psychologically I don't understand it at all.
Socially, would generations before population conformities evolved have depression?

I don't understand this emotion, and while I can't say therefore I don't need it, I don't see why it should be with me.

However, nor can I see why not should it be with me.

2008-07-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

Today woke up like, extra early, to send Si Ru to school. Just a simple event, turned into a big one.

And I want to remember this day. It was very... well, just read on.

In the morning to school I only meet like about 6-7 people of which I know. There's this aunty who does morning exercise, there's this uncle and his wife who goes to work on their bike, well the wife isn't always there... Then there's WeiSong's dad, who goes to work opposite I think? The only other person I used to meet is this other girl, one of my neighbours, but didn't see her. The rest of the people I meet in the morning would just be like, very random.

Anyhow, I was walking to the playground, when I saw the aunty. Wasn't thinking about meeting her, so this was a surprise. Usually I'm quite concerned about what happens next, and I try to predict what happens. However, it seems Luck has been with me since morning. Expect the unexpected, this was something that never worked, just till this morning.

So, well, one encounter was okay, so I said hi. I hadn't said my second sentence, the uncle and his wife says hi. I turn, I surprised. Well, this would be the second encounter I met both groups at once, but previously it was with the uncle only.

So, a bit stun, but I said hi, then the uncle goes on what I used to be short and stuff. AND THEN, my neighbour's dad walks past and says hi.

I stun. Totally stun. It wasn't everyday I sent anyone to school, secondary school, it wasn't everyday I woke up at 6 and left house at 6.30. And it had never had a chance to meet three people, four actually. The chances, well, it's pretty darn low.

I'm still shocked at the statistical value of the probability. But Luck is Luck, and when it happens, you can't change it. I love Luck. Lol.

Anyhow, I was sending my friend to school cause wanted to talk about a bit of problem I had, but during the walk to school didn't mention much about it. Mostly reminiscencing about past events. A few personal talks. Missed the old days.

Met this prefect dood I didn't like much, simply because he like very funny in social standing. Well, I think it had to do with seeing me send people to school in the morning. Anyhow, his long pants were altered to look like SKINNIES. Bleah. Guys + Skinnies. Well, my perception of such isn't of the crowd.

Anyhow, walk walk, then met up with this Jason guy, one of my friend's friend. He was wondering why I looked so familiar. Ay, ex-hougean leh deh. Lol. Ex-Hougean, sounds cool. 4 years of memories imprinted in that social ranking position.

Once I sent her off, with that Jason guy, met erm... Nick I think? Who was sending Vincci to school. Former said hi latter smiled. It's good to see people again.

Then I met Wilson on the bus-stop going home. It looked like Wilson, and when I approached, it was! Haha, had fun chatting about who went where and stuff.

He was making a lot of noise about me sending people to school. And I realized, he himself was guilty about that as well. Lol. So I made a lot of noise back!

Anyhow, the whole event was very nice. Meeting odd sorts of people in the morning. Well, did nowhere to solve my problem that I have, but at least it made me happy.

For some reason, I don't think about anything when I'm with my old friends. Don't think at all, don't think what's there to life, why's life like this, what's the reason for doing this, why am I committing to whatever or anything.

And I am not alone in my problems.

Secondary school, the worst foundation of my problems, but like the balance theory, so was the best foundation of my memories.

Totally random, this morning. All thanks to Luck.

And I wonder, when was it that I actually blogged about something normal? When life enters normality, even for just a morning, it doesn't just enter, it crashes into normality.

Biological Defenses

2008-07-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

Many of my previous theories on how things work used to, as discovered during the journey of my Psychology course, relied on the social and psychological model.

I've started attributing many of my older works to the newer model, biological aspect, and as of recent I've managed to procure a new theory, on most of my primary actions pertaining to commitment-based items.

I realize why I feel not much remorse, sadness, disappointment, loss and the normal emotions when I quit something or leave a group. And there's no density of presence and benefit theory even to make me feel such feelings. Even as young, I noticed I am more or less completely devoid of multiple emotions that a person is supposed to feel in accordance to a situation, such as death of a close one.

This base-lack of emotions mostly brings about the conversation between my parents and me that I have a low EQ (Lol). But ignoring that fact, coupled with the more or less innate ability to unable to feel a significant loss in the disconnection of commitment-based items, I am guessing that biologically this is a defense mechanism built by my body of which not in general people possess.

Defense mechanism for what? To prevent depression and thoughts of emptiness. For survivability, a biological aspect I have not discovered the true meaning yet. To exist, to move on, to continue the life, of questions why I can't explain, but these are the underlying reasons why I can't feel loss as bad as many others.

Something's about to break again, and this time, I shall see if this biological defense which I think it is a defense will step in.

Biological defense = a resistance to loss to prevent negative emotions from occuring so that the being can continue to exist without their mental faculties being tampered.

Toliet, Animal, Edifice and Bullets

2008-07-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

What does a toilet and an animal and an edifice and bullets have?

Others feed their loved ones with cakes and sweets, but I only offer water. Then my loved one always have-pee

If someone told me that my loved one is dying, and that there are only two viable ways to save her, one is an operation which has a 50% success rate and the other is to transfer the soul of my loved one into a doe, and asked me which option I would pick, I would pick the transferring of my loved one's soul into a doe, for then my loved one will always be deer to me.

People grow up to have careers that are usually wealthy and prestigious like specialized lawyers or doctors dealing in like forensic or psychology, but I rather be a lowly building-constructor who specializes in making lodges, for then I can please my loved one for I can always give inn to her.

If someone handed me a rifle, and told me that for shooting my loved one that someone would make me the richest person on earth, I would empty the entire magazine at my loved one instantly on the spot, for I will miss my loved one always.

ha ha ha

2008-07-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

Spent like 30 minutes laughing.

Here's how it goes.

"hey bryan, what's an emo person who is lame?"

"what?"

"ELMO!"

"..."

"what do you call someone who stands beside emo people who are lame?"

"erm... don't know?"

"Big Bird!"

"..."

There after I started talking about perception. See, there was this dood at the Mensa2 and he was looking terribly depressed. So bryan was like,

"That guy looks very depressed... NO WAIT! We cannot anyhow perceive people! He may not be depressed at all!"

I replied

"Yea true true, his depressed face could be what he perceives to be smiling. I mean, like when he laughs,"

I gave bryan a totally depressed sad face and LAUGHED. Seriously, a sad unsmiling face laughing is HILARIOUS!

So I modified.

Depressed-looking face guy goes around...

"Yo guys, wanna hear a joke?" And then he starts laughing with a depressed sad face.

I laughed to myself for quite awhile. Huda and bryan didn't like the joke.

Thereafter, I stopped laughing. Then I was wondering why not funny anymore to me, so then I said to bryan.

"I farted out all my laughing gas, so now no more laughing gas."

Then I started laughing (by myself) about the funny sentence I just said. When I recovered, I continued.

"Now I breathing back in all the laughing gas (takes a deep breath)."

Then I started laughing again.

Of course, through out the entire journey Bryan and Huda didn't seem terribly happy they went home with me.

For

2008-07-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

Under the rain whisper trails across sweeping
Forgotten sentences and innocent phrases
Where one side found the other seeking
Soul and soul chases, just like the captured traces

Numerical reality biting into nothingness
Disobedience of which nigh importance
Just like a kismet struck down by a hammer
Of which was, still will be, weather, just the weather

For clouds who knit together into a silver lining
Icy shards of above departs
Lost into which, a lighted abyss
Drips till the bucket remains full and untouched

Songs of silence falling, losing, mesmerizing,
Why was it dark, why was it strange
Shatter not, procrastination understanding
Under the rain, always under the rain

Where earth meets sky untainted
Where depth meets height unlimited
Where echoes meet reverberations unseen
Where I don't know decides that for once philosophically shall just meet up with I don't care till someone decides to figure out why it is 42

Answers and Answered

2008-07-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

Why?

Learning Psychology brought to light many things I did not understand previously.

Why would it be this way?

Why would it be accepted?

Why would it be appreciated?

Why would it be okay?

Why did it develop into this?

Why did such things occur?

Why does it occur?

Why is it possible?

What for, is it continued?

It used to be, question, there has to be an answer.

Some questions don't need answers, not because it's obvious, but because the time isn't right.

And sometimes, because it is easier to live without finding answers that are so hard to come up with, and when we force it out, we don't understand why we say it.

To obtain an answer, there's only one price. Time.

700 million years to answer what is the Answer to Life, the Truth and the Universe; which is 42.

This simple worldwide known sentence, brings me to try to understand something.

Why do we answer as such? What is the reason we say so?

I used to want to know, find out, discover why, explain everything.

For once, life threw a question at me and I didn't want to answer or know what it was.

An understanding that is out of reach for me. Who would have thought it to be?

Biological, Social, Psychological.

Like every general rule, exceptions come along with the package.

And like every normal questions, there are those that whose answers cannot come in words but only in expression.

And there are those questions, who when we say it's just like that, it's not that we're unsure. We don't understand our answer.

Because if we did, there isn't much to look forward to and search in our life if everything could be found on www.zhaosimianswersia.com

XD

2008-07-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

I made friends with Luck.

Just of recent, I made friends with Improbability.

Luck is something occurring. The definition I have to get it out.

But Improbability is more interesting. It is something that happens that you've never thought of it or thought that it just doesn't happen.

The best thing Improbability can do, is friends with Luck.

The chances of 2 improbable things? Haha, happened already.

Improbability, where when you decide not to let Nature take its course, Nature shrugs you off and guides you.

Chances, coincidences, fates, destinies, kismet.

Not just with life, but everyday minor things. Decisions that worry the heck out of me are solved by mere opportunities and events that seem random.

Interestingly, no matter how much I try to take certain matters into my hand, they just run away and pull me along in the process.

Improbability, what were the chances that I'd write about you?

What were the chances of me blogging back again?

What were the chances, of that incident occurring twice?

For when the skies fall,
For when the sea rises,
For when the decisions call,
For when the others are sacrifices,

After while, when it happens, only oneself can chose to walk forth.

?

2008-07-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

11th July.

"I think it's gonna rain."

Rain starts pouring immediately.

!

2008-07-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

Set my priorities right.

The definition of importance, however, in my opinion,

is made by me.

Wabiit

2008-07-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

Wabiit.

Found while coming home from compass after buying spider studs.

Found on 2006.

Palm size to arm size.

Fat.

Bites.

Rears only when agitated. Of which only I can make it rear.

Driftable.

Sugar

2008-07-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

Tea and Coffee

Sugar Cakes and Crushed Sweets

Bread and Chocolate

Milk and a single Glass

Raisins and Sultans

Heart Attacks and Manga

Finally found a manga that CAN give me a heart attack.

Kodomo no Jikan.

Blank 2.

2008-07-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

Sandcastles die faster the more you help.

Just like how quicksand consumes a person faster the more he tries to escape.

Just like every breathe we take we kill the planet one tiny step.

Trying to grab something that doesn't exactly know that you're grabbing it is kinda hard. And when you stop, it reaches out a hand and you wonder what's happening.

Maybe %, yea, %. I keep forgetting.

Blank.

2008-07-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

I knowpeople xactlywhy
Dt opickup eopledo
Wt hat hat
To heyfirstgetto bviouslybecause
Pd ossess adlyformer
To henlateronasthey ields
Be ecomeawareotherstuff ailed
Yr ieldmore verytimeormostly
Pd rofitable vntill
Bd benefitsthey ourselfthink
Be egintotryto bsoletionis
I gnoreor eallygonna
Le losetheformerand o
Se urelybut ranscends
Ee eventuallydo onboth

Life

2008-07-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

Ate with my parents today. Fishhead steamboat.

Learnt this drink called eeun yang. Coffee/tea hybrid. Taste a bit like chocolate and I suppose more effective than coffee itself?

My dad was fiddling with a tube-like ice with his straw. Following, I took one tube-like ice from my mom's sugarcane drink. I pop it into my mouth and my dad did the same. We looked at each other and laughed.

How long since was it that I laughed with my parents. There was another incident with my mom also, but I forgot the joke.

He spat the ice back into his sugarcane drink, I spat mine onto the floor. Didn't rmb I had my euun yang.

Smiles Laughter. If it can't start from the family, would it start with the world? Repairing what I've lost, restarting from the beginning that I ignored.

I love my Dad. I love my Mom. And I don't need some stupid parent meeting slide presentation to show my love. APEL? I think that's crap to me. But I think, maybe an APEL view will be the focus point of my criticism, which ultimately shows me how I should continue to rectify my own principals, virtues, laws, such that I can continue criticising. Afterall, taking dirt from there to put it here means less dirt there and more dirt here.

%

2008-07-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

Too much is bad, too little is bad as well. The simplicity of this sentence, I realize, is actually one of the truths of the world.

For everything, this is true, and it's when we cannot live by it do problems appear.

A 100% holy person is the same as someone who's 100% evil. The dumbest act the same as the smartest.

One cannot say evil if he has never possessed it.

One cannot know how to quit without starting.

One cannot fail without success.

One cannot love ignorant of rejection.

A world specialized is what makes the world go round, but only the balanced and hybrids make the world.

90% effort and 20% not can be more effective than 110% total.

Interesting ain't it?

Abusal does not come without need or want.

Perfection is made from the imperfected.

Strong is not without making the weak links.

It's not an eye for an eye theory, it's the tainted theory.

As long as a specialization is tainted, then it will be stronger than a pure.

Alloys are good examples.

And so finalize my third rule in life: Stronger of which is not gained by pure but by taint.

Finally, after so much thinking I got something.

Orc Life, Day Today

2008-07-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Today I discovered the Gnommish Airport by Ironforge. It was horribly weird. Strange flying contraptions they call planes were lined side by side. They were all small, but those with that skull sign sure are scary. I got hit by one, and punched him back before I died.

Appearing at some kurnel or khrony place, it started with a K, that's what I know. I decided that I might as well hunt a few gnomes for souvenier. To my dismay, the guards that protected the lowbie area were powerful.

I reappeared at the kurnel place. There isn't much. All snow and snow. Barrens is a much more fun place to be. Anyhow, I found a gnome. It was PvP unflagged. /sad. No matter, I told the gnome /lost, and it managed to figure out how to agree. I guess it must have been puzzled to see a Lv31 Orc Warrior far from his hometown.

Lucky that innkeeper gave me a hearthstone. It's a powerful stone, for it teleports me back to where I last slept, which is on the other continent. 'Pretty far eh? However, that stupid gnome had to fireball me. I even had rez sickness. No matter, finally I took it down, one or two swipes. I got her head somewhere in my backpack, so now at least I got a proper souvenier.

Mom's gonna be proud of me.

Signing off
Ketsudan

?

2008-07-05T12:07:00.000-07:00

The answer to most of life's ultimate questions.

%

I bet none of you all get it at all. Took me about 4-5 years to get it. Don't expect you all to do.

Papered

2008-07-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

And I forgot what change meant.

A meteor cascades over the blinking void
A sad illumination that spirals from the heaven
Echos of hope and destiny spills across the land
Once more, the world will burn

D3, coming soon to PCs all around the world.

Lol. Advertising D3. XDXD. Back to emo-ing for losing a dota match.

A meteor cascades over the blinking void
A sad illumination that spirals from the heaven
An event, one of which marks a memory of the watcher
For like the abnormality which cuts the sky, so has inside fissure

The earth has no route of which to seek space
Equal in analogy to the heart and connections
Of which to learn the faked lie or the genuine truth
Each second slower, one second nearer to dissipation

But mere materialism, mere emotion
Crucified and afflicted such is not ignored
What builds artificiality has reasons not to be living
Genetically us will neigh ever be machine

Severed charred ends will burn to another
Fused stronger than last, but so is retention
Escalation into snowballs; metamorphosis into degeneration
Moon watch, for fading into existence a feather of tears

Eviction, sadism, apathy, misery
Retrace or not, none is where position lies
Brink of breaking into the abyss of negation
The only broken paper heart, are the ones torn from the start

I forgot

2008-07-01T04:18:00.000-07:00

I forgot. I forgot a lot of things I said. I forgot a lot of things I said I told myself.

#1 I myself is to blame
#2 Incorporate and change my beliefs whenever the situation calls for it

I am inflicting upon myself the breaking of both rules.

I stopped blogging for a reason. It was to stop thinking about the constant change I was going through and just live life as it is, not being able to immortalize or remember the past if which I fall back on undoes what I have tried.

Change is everywhere and it is continuous. At first I started to think, and then eventually overthink. For now, I've reached that end of the line. Thinking about thinking. I pondered over it countless of times, and this time, I shall just stop thinking.

I have to stop being the small boy I am. Stop being the one who got upset over trivial matters and ignored the big ones that everyone was worried about. Stop trying to be different and act as if I am from a different class, different world from everyone. Stop having that thought that I am special, unique, for out there, surely there would be hundreds just like me. I have to start solving problems, doing well, and stop waiting. No more hesitation, no more confusion. People live their own lives, they do not wait for me. I have to keep up with the changes, the times. I have to start making the first move, keep going headstrong deep into life itself.

I must start acting, and this regards the social model as well. No more should I think about problematic things when I could be it. Just live and go forward. Stepping back helps, but the better walk forward knowing what to do already.

Situation changes, change along with it. No longer should anything to be of my type.

If I don't keep up, then I got to get faster so I can be on par. Never a step forward, never a step backward, remain in synch, incorporate schedules into the world's time and be part of the world.

In short. I have to stop thinking why things work and how it works and why it should or shouldn't work or whether I can make it or not work. I have to start doing, progressing, working, keeping up and not falling back, and figure out all those theories later.

Quitting blogging. you take a step forward because a lot of steps together is called running.

That and below it.

2008-06-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

No matter what I still think my hair is super cool. Besides the
I think the most important thing for me is the small things and not
point of a lot of people referencing me to the fifth element bad
the bigger more obvious things which seem more or less important.
dood guy. It's just kinda of a dream I always wanted for my hair. A
The big obvious events like an outing or a party do matter because
bit hard to pull of the hybrid hair style, and still experimenting.
it is made to matter, but other than that, the small matters do also
I must do more muscle work. Recently been able to do a lot of muscle
are as important. Small things like remembering birthdays when no
work, but most of it on off, like eight pull-ups, then break, then
one reminds you, or calling a person back or even keeping a
five, then break, then four three two two. Then break again, and do
forgotten promise. Smaller things like greetings and farewells, too
more. Thereafter do a lot of push-ups. Maybe my stamina increasing.
do they matter. Even smaller are the ones that are done by pure
Yay, more stats increase. Recently however, I had a taste of Natto,
self decision and always hope to yield a zero return. Meaning, doing
this extreme japanese food that I found by accident in a Sushi Tei
something voluntary and don't expect anything out of it. Like
menu. It was horrid, but damn fun to eat. Extreme food and surviving
I have a good friend, and although we don't really hang out often,
it. Haha, I think it was super fun to eat stuff that doesn't taste
during times we hang out after midnight he'd automatically pay for
nice. Hmm, to think of it, I need to start learning either Pushin'me
the drinks or food of my share and then act as if i don't owe him
away or FF7 one of the songs. And completion of FF7, yes that is
money at all. Of course, the act of ignorance to pretend as if like
important too, which I haven't gotten around to complete by any
ay ya, friends wad, care so much for what? I treat you coz I friend,
major progress too! I really should be sleeping though, but yes, on
no need pay back de. This kind of things are rare actually. The
tuesday I don't have any sport activity on, so laptop's coming to
small everyday yet forgotten things people eventually fail to do,
school. The pebble's my cousin. XD
for when they do, people don't just remember to do it for nothing.

Opposition Theory

2008-06-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

And to that I've discovered about somewhat how life works.

Unlike maths, the world is fixed. Taking something here means now you got something and something else don't. That formula is everywhere.

It's very easy to see how it works. Take a cold bath on a hot day. Minutes after the shower unless you retain yourself at the same temperature as the cold shower you'll start to heat up. Cold bath = forced cool down. When it's hot, the body's actually cold to compensate, and when you take a cold shower, the body heats up to compensate. Because our body is slow to changes, in that perspective of relativity towards our activities, by the time we shower finish our body actually is heated up instead of cooled, despite that it may be cooled by force by the initial duration of the shower.

I have yet to prove the opposite, whereby taking a hot shower on a hot day results in a cooler body. But there are words that says a hot shower results in getting to sleep better. If my opposition theory works, hot shower = cooler body. And because our body reduces in temperature as we sleep, cooler body = temperature aspect settled beforehand.

I have yet to figure out how to implicate this onto daily life, but one of it is this. Continuously stepping forward ensures that we are always progressing. Taking one step back, however, means during that, we actually are able to see the steps in front, take time to see what it holds and see other paths.

But like how a hot shower on a hot day doesn't seem appealing and isn't as instantly gratifying like a cold's, overcoming obstacles knits the weaving of friendship greater than happiness.

I kinda just wanted to write about the shower thing. Never really thought of anything else opposition theory might be able to be applied in.

That which is life.

2008-06-28T05:49:00.000-07:00

Rockclimbing competition, last out of the bunch of people who reached to the top. 10th placing. Technical error somewhere, so I may be 11th. Definitely took my time to climb. First time I cleared the roof area as well. What would be the chances of that?

Strength, determination, technique, endurance. Can't ever forget luck. That's the most important among all other abilities.

It's very interesting how I can keep generating new jokes. For now, I am just dumbfounded how the brain understands humor and knows when to laugh or stone or get aggravated at a joke. It's interesting how we understand a no-link joke from a random one, a lame joke from a cold one, a funny one from a technical one.

How can our brains actually achieve that kind of thinking such that it produces a joke that people elsewhere do understand? Language is nurtured from young, that possibly can say that since we've been living so long eventually we'll understand each other.

But jokes? Why is it that when you tell someone, they do get it and become affected by it? Excluding the ones that don't get the jokes.

I guess this is another capability of the human brain. Psychology of a joke. If anything, I would love if our next psychology project was on the understanding of why a joke is so called.

Humor and human's ability to comprehend that. In fact, generalizing over to a broader aspect, emotions as well. Why do we feel sadness, happiness, joy, depression, satisfaction, hopelessness and the rest of the array of emotions?

Sometimes, for myself, "just because" doesn't work. Why does a human need to feel sadness, express it and have it? What works of life have unto we not touched?

Sometimes I appreciate sadness because it is a break from trying to smile.

Jokes 1.2

2008-06-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it wasn't lame.

Why can't you tell a joke to a fish?

Because you can't lame a fish.

Why can't you tell a joke to a bonfire?

Because it can't feel cold.

Why can't you tell a joke to a circle?

There's no point in telling.

Why can't you tell a joke to a dollar?

Because everything doesn't make sense.

Why can't you tell a joke to a leaf?

Because it can never be a stone.

Why can't you tell a joke to a bluetooth?

Because you don't need a cable-link; it's wireless.

Why can't you tell a joke to a caveman?

Because at that time, it only had invented the wheel.

Why can't you tell a joke to a maths problem?

The answer isn't random

Why can't you tell a joke to a chicken?

Because it has already crossed the road.

Jokes 1.1

2008-06-26T11:19:00.000-07:00

How to recover your jokes if they stunned rather than made your targets laugh.

Hello, is this the lost and found department? Yes yes. No. Well, I am actually looking for my friend's funny bone. I told him a joke and he didn't laugh at all! Surely he must have lost it somewhere. Call you back? Ok sure thanks.

*Picks up a rock* Hey! Your cousin!

You audition for statue of liberty for what?

*make the creak creak... creak creak... sound. The crickets chirping sound.*

OMG! HE CAMOUFLAGED INTO THE SURROUNDINGS BY BEING PART OF THE TERRAIN!

Influence

2008-06-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, I believe this is going to hurt one or two people. Or possibly more. But I simply love those people who annoy other people on tagboards or comments. The psychology involved is very interesting.

First up, this is something I call inverse-influence. Influence is basically making someone do something or similar because of one's action or ideals. Inverse-influence is basically disrupting that someone's base options and decisions because of one's actions or ideals.

For example, the moment that whoever post some nasty comments, the first thing that usually results is retaliation. There after backup comes, and friends retaliate as well, in order to reinforce the whole retaliation move. Technical work comes into play, removal of IP, tracking, removing messages, cover-ups. Sleuth work isn't ignored as well. People start to think who the heck the person is. Unless largely generalized, the chances of a stranger insulting another stranger is more or less improbable. So obviously there should be the very least some kind of relation, however it is. Not just on the tagboard, it spills sometimes to the blog itself, blog posts about the person and stuff.

Inverse-influence is the easiest kind of influence to make, mainly because one is making thyself the point of aggression or annoyance. Right now I can apply it. I know what to say to a certain people that will make another certain person hate me. I know how to make people avoid me. I know how to make people talk bad about me.

All these hating, avoidance, talking bad, takes up time, energy and space. And this inverse-influence is doing exactly what it is supposed to do, making sure that at least some thoughts, energy, time is wasted into thinking about it.

The whole thing about influence is that whether you do something about it or not, it still means you're either being influenced, or resisting influence, which both falls under inverse-influence, that's why it is so subtly annoying.

Influence is making someone do something or not. Inverse-influence is making someone do something or not, but who's actions and thoughts are towards a point which are usually negative.

Someone once said to me, am I easily influenced? And that is not a valid question at all. Influence is there. You do something or don't do something, something else will or will not do something. Nothing is still something, and nothing these days can do a lot of things. Every action accounts for about some 0.000000000167% influence over the resulting action, but this is too biased. In actual fact, every thing anyone does that we are aware of or not accounts for a vastly higher percentage of influence over our actions or inactions. That is something everyone has to at least know.

Check this out if you want. Walk with anyone. Stop walking and ask him/her to stop for awhile. Obvious movement? No. Direct result of influence. This tagboard annoyance thing is the same thing, except more visible.

Influence, inverse-influence, is scary. And we can't run away from it. Just like how after I read about the tagboard incident from some of my friends I wrote this. It is inescapable.

By the way, whatever happened to replying just "I forgive you." and then ignoring the person totally? Whether it works or not, I just like forgiving these people. They give me a chance to do forgiving! That which is SO COOL. But nobody bad mouths me on my blog. T.T

Something to do with not knowing it exist or something...

Jokes 1.0

2008-06-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

What is faster than light?

Whichever word that I put in front of faster.

What is an old joke?

A walking stick.

What kind of jokes are not found on the internet?

Those that have no-link.

I told a joke, and I was the only one laughing. Someone said it wasn't funny. So I pointed to the mirror and said, "he's laughing too!" And then I walked over to the mirror and said, "hey, hi-five man!"

What do you say if you don't get a no-link joke?

Sorry, I D/C from the internet.

What do you say if someone takes very long to recover from your joke?

Whoa, my joke crit you.

Do you know why my joke is better than your joke?

My joke can use hyper beam.

Differentiation

2008-06-25T09:50:00.000-07:00

More or less, I have figured out the root of most problems, which could possibly indirectly or directly include every single problem. Today, I discovered another thing. More or less, I have begun speculations on a new findings that one of the most important things, or possibly like top two or three important things in life is the ability to differentiate. It is not a problem to deal with per se, nor is it a trait that we all lack.

Differentiation is just able to tell the difference between this thing and that thing, if both were to be called things. You can be who you are, but you definitely cannot treat one the same as the other. The ability to mark your own line to where you stand is extremely vital. How far before this becomes that? At what limit does a border break?

Questions such as these more or less apply everywhere. Homework and play, friendship and relationship, true and artificial, lies and truth, for self for another, to hold on to let go, to know to ignore, to pretend for real and the list can continuously expand.

Up to where do you follow the crowd, up to where does being you will be you, up to where will your work be what is original. At where are you a friend, and at which point will you be a burden?

Differentiation I guess, can be said to be choices. But picking an option is always easier than figuring out why the other is better.

Whether or not I make sense is my problem. But I guess I am typing all these out because I am missing this in my life. I need to start making borders, making walls, making limits to myself, because in a world we live in, the straight shots are the one that miss their targets first. I do hope that that won't cut myself from the world.

But if I were to be able to find priorities and start preventing problems, I need to know where to draw the line and I need to know exactly where would that fine thin line which we step over so many times be.

But differentiation would be as good as saying being someone you are because of the scenario. However who you are is not a problem. It is always how you perceive things that which becomes a problem.

Differentiation applies to everything. But for me, I got to stop crossing that line.

~People are different. They're all not the same. Even if they miss their target more often, somehow, I feel better with people who are straight shots. People who curve suddenly when you change your angle of look are... pretty special.

Emotion 101 - Disappointment

2008-06-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

Disappointment really hurts bad. At least for me. But after awhile, I discovered this simple theory.

Oneself cannot feel sad when overcome with disappointment for with each disappointment is another token of happiness. But so is the words like a double-edged sword, each happiness only marks another counter for sadness. For in a world of balance, every flower that is taken is a spot empty of color, but every empty spot has a chance to be filled with a flower. Lest of course, a seed is planted. But for every seed that is planted, will be at least another that is trampled.